So after my internship, I dropped out of college to rebel against THE SYSTEM™. You win some, you lose some.) 2012: The Year of Dropping Out (The CEO followed this by supporting the internet-censoring Stop Online Piracy Act. I was selfishly relieved – if they accepted her while she was on 5-to-6 layers of queer, then I, "NutcaseNightmare", would be too. The woman spoke on how her coworkers helped her through her transition. Probably the only trans character most people had seen was the villain from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Remember, this was 2011 – before the world knew Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, or the Wachowski Sisters. This was the first time I (knowingly) saw a trans woman. The CEO was giving the annual company talk, when he presented one of EA's employees: a trans woman. I'm still deeply grateful to my EA colleagues & mentors who helped me during my coming out.
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EA gets a lot of (justified) flak, but the Human Rights Commission ranks them as one of the most LGBTQ-friendly companies. I took the offer, mostly to get out of my family & to a more queer-friendly space. Heck yeah I'd sell my soul, I wasn't using it anyway. They offered me a student co-op internship in the Bay Area! I also felt sexually attracted to him because he was the only warm father figure in my life, but I did not tell him that.Ī few months later, a trilogy of ultraviolent meme-filled Flash games I made – under the online handle "NutcaseNightmare" – caught the eye of a developer at Electronic Arts. I felt so grateful to the psychologist, and I told him that. I may not be a "good person", but at least I was an "okay person". "Don't worry, I get homophobic parents all the time. The shrink turned to me, and said with the most serious look: We all talked for a bit, then the shrink requested to speak to me alone. So, Mom & I went to the child psychologist. and now we're threatening her dreams of having grand-children?! My voice of conscience told me: She's a poor immigrant AND a single mom AND had an abusive ex-husband AND was raised by a narcissist mother. She sent me to a child psychologist to convince me I was "just confused". What's the worst that could happen? 2011: The Year of Coming Out I was 16 years old and I knew everything. Why not? It was 2010, a new decade, a new start. "I want to not be lonely → I must become a good person → I must help others and make the world a better place." Thus, I finally acquired a "voice of conscience".
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Not the pile of narcissism, guilt-tripping, and psychological manipulation that I grew up thinking was normal.Ī healthy relationship with another human being. After four years of hanging out with other classmates, I learnt that their healthy friendships and families were based on, y'know, actual respect. In 2006, we immigrated from Singapore to Vancouver. In 2010, I learnt the scientific term for this style of cognition is called "being an asshole". Lonely angry kid, raised by a hyper-competitive tiger mom, thinks: "I want to not be lonely → I must make others respect me → I must make myself look powerful & others look weak." Every other recess, I'd corner a religious classmate and quote paragraphs from The God Delusion at them.Īlso I had a creepy obsession with knives.
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Whenever I got a test question wrong, I'd blame the ambiguous wording. Whenever I lost a game, I'd accuse others of cheating. But when it lost the province-wide contest, I blamed the fool for dragging down my genius. I made my lab partner do all the work for our Science Fair project, which won a city-wide contest, and I claimed the credit. ("Nicklaus Liow", circa 2010, who was an asshole) So, what wonderful things did I learn this decade? 2010: The Year I Learnt I Was An Asshole Life lessons found through trial-and-error-and-error-and-error.
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In 2010–2019, I learnt a lot about being queer, going indie, and mental health. I don't know where the line is between "publicly taking responsibility for my past mistakes" and "masochistic exhibitionism", but it's the end of a decade – a good time to reflect, and share stories I've never shared publicly before! (content note: queer & mental health stuff, the "heavy shit")
#Am i gay test flash game tv
(reading time: 35 minutes – a bit over one TV episode) What Did I Learn This Decade? (2010-2019)